- a master of speed and stealth. On a single night he visits every house in the world, leaping from one rooftop to the next. He evades every state of the art security system, is undetected by military radar. When children stay up all night to get a glimpse of him, and can't help but close their eyes for a few seconds, by the time they open them again they've already missed him.
- a master contortionist. He can move effortlessly through tight spaces--chimneys and the like, despite his towering stature and bulk.
- a master of disguise. During the month of December he visits every mall and thousands of parties in America in his own clothes, yet everyone is convinced that it's not the real Santa, and some even suspect that he's their uncle Bob.
- a master of mind control. Your parents are not Santa. Santa has every mom and dad in the world convinced that they're doing his job for him when they're really sleeping. And you thought you were so smart when you thought you figured it out.
- Has been known to battle martians.
So what does that make Santa Claus?
A Ninja!
